dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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