Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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