woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
