Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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