I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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