angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we're making bets on your personal life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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