Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
