i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
