summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
