I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
