Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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