"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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