he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
