I'm gonna have a badass scar
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
