Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
