I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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