what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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