I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
