i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
