There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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