Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
