He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Shame - the story of my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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