Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
