Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
