And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
