We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He has the fingertips of a God
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
