So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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