We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
