Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There r osticjed everywhere
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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