I think my fart just growled at me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
