I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The power of my boobs compel you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
