So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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