Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
