Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i now understand why vodka
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
