then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
