Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
