That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
