Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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