someone threw a dead crab at me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
