Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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