Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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