and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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