I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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