we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
