The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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