And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
