Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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