there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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