remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
