YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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