But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
