Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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