She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
