You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
