Define "chronic" masturbator.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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